Sunday, November 14, 2010

Our angel got her wings...

My mom lost her battle to cancer on November 7, 2010. Everything feels so different without her around anymore. Everything is a blur. Time feels like it has gone too fast and too slow at the same time. I can't believe 2 weeks have gone by already....but then again I think "wow, it's only been two weeks." I know that it's best. Mom isn't suffering and she isn't in anymore pain. In our hearts we know that she is soaring somewhere above the horizon, and is watching over us. I think about all the times, the memories, and especially the last day. The moment I wake up, I think to call her to see how she is, but I remind myself...and then picture the last day we spent with her. I think it will be one of my favorites. I won't ever forget it. Mom got to see all of us girls and even all the grandkids. She was smiling, laughing, and telling us all stories. You never would have guessed that in less than 24 hours, she wouldn't be able to do that anymore. She got to kiss us all goodbye, and I still have the image in my mind of little Taylor (my 3 year old niece) kissing and hugging her Jan-ma before she left. It was a precious day. Beautiful in every aspect. We had nice weather that day. Mom was feeling good, so we were all feeling great too. I remember sitting in the kitchen talking with my sister. Mom was in the living room and it didn't take long for her to tell us to move in there by her to talk. A strong part of me thinks she knew her time was coming. And up until the very end, I know she could hear us all kiss and tell her goodbye. Kendra told her "We will be okay, Mom."

and with that came two tears....and just a few minutes after...she was gone...

I still can't believe it. And I am sure I will be saying that for a very long time. Although she isn't here, she is still on our minds constantly. Everything we do, it is always "Mom loved this blanket, these cupcakes, this song, this movie, or this restaurant." I can't make it through the day without feeling like I need to call or text her. Just to say "Hi, my dear" or to see how she is doing....It's difficult accepting the fact that she isn't here anymore. We miss her.
I'm thankful for the fact that she is with Jesus now. No more suffering, no more pain, and no more medications. Just wings. Her big beautiful white (and maybe a little pink and black intertwined with Swarovski crystals) wings....You know cancer is an ugly disease, but my mom made it beautiful. After reading basic facts about cancer on the website, I found that 3,030 females are expected to die in the US from melanoma (skin cancer) in 2010. That's not that much considering that 1 and 4 people will get cancer in the US. Well mom was one of those 3,030, but most of you probably don't know that in the beginning she was misdiagnosed. Frustrating, I know... I don't know why things like this happen, or why my mom had to be one of the 3,030. But what I do know is that everything happens for a reason, and God doesn't give you something that He knows you can't handle. Mom was tough, and I can honestly say that she didn't let cancer get the best of her. She fought all the way until the end---and she may have lost this particular battle, but she won the war. She was given a gruesome prognosis, time and time again, and every time she surpassed it. Although it's hard not having her physically here with us anymore, I believe she was finally given her reward in Heaven. God prepares His home for us...and mom's spot just so happened to be finished before anyone else. The separation though feels unbearable, and each day is a struggle right now...but our family is sticking to together, and trying to stay strong. Because deep down we know that someday, when our spot in Heaven is ready, we will be flying right there beside her, and it gives me hope that I will one day see her again...


  1. Kelli, I wish I could give you a hug and a plate of cookies right now! Not that it would help much, it's just that I really wish I could do something for you! I'm so sorry about your sweet mom. I hope that you will find much peace as you love and serve those around you. Isn't that a funny thing? When we're falling to pieces, reaching out to others can put us back together again.

    I read your email on the ACC list. And then I remembered you! I visited your blog awhile ago! If you want a little empathy about the wheelchair thing (although, it is really SOOOO early to tell!), I just blogged about our experience and how WONDERFUL it was. No joke, it really was awesome.


    Love, Bree

  2. hi, I found your blog via the ACC network. My son Cade has ACC and is 19 mo old. YOur boy is precious! I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, I lost my Dad in Oct 2010 to cancer also. Like you I still can't believe he's not here. I want to call and text him everyday but I can't. So I pray. You can read up on my son and his cond at
    best of luck to you.