Dark Before the Morning.

It has been almost a year since I found out that I was pregnant with Kannon. A year? Man where does the time go? I still remember telling my husband, Zach, the news...he had the biggest smile EVER. You know, that smile that a kid gets when you tell them "Don't smile!" It was one like that. The funny thing is, I was the one who started to cry. Worried mainly about motherhood. I worried and wondered if I would be a good mom. But looking back I smile at this, because the moment I first held Kannon I knew in an instant what a mother's love truely meant. Everything disappeared and for a moment it was just me, my husband, and our son. Nothing else was on my mind. Everything the doctors had told us didn't matter anymore--it was the unconditional love I had always learned about, but hadn't felt it so strong until right then.

Now, I sit here tonight unable to sleep. Worried of course (something I do best)! I remember my fourth grade teacher would always call me a worry wart, and I hated it. I didn't know it at the time, but she had me figured out. Yesterday we took Kannon to his Nuerologist to have her watch home videos of him having what we think might be seizure-like activity. After watching the videos, she said she thinks he might be having them, but wanted to do an EEG to be sure. His EEG is tomorrow morning, and right after that we will get the results and discuss treatment plans. I can't help but sit here all day and night hoping and praying for everything to be okay...I tried to take my mind off things today by going to Target, getting a snow cone, and then buying a few groceries. But it wasn't until I got back into my car to head home that I heard a song on the radio that helped put my mind at rest. It was a perfect song, and I would be nieve to think it wasn't God himself talking to me and reminding me that he is in control, not the doctors.

Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you, where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening to bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see, you’ll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends, you know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there, so say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time
But you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
Come on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning